Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
