I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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