break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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