Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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