I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you inspire me to be a worse person
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
