Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
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I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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