I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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