Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
