Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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