they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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