I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize