My sheets look like a crime scene.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
