if you like me you must not know who I am
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
