Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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