Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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