Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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