Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
