dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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