Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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