dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
