we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
