if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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