alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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