i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
