I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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