So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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