Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
