I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
