just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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