meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
