Cold hands, warm shart.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
