So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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