My brain says no but my pants say off.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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