turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
