Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
