Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
