I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That accounts for only three of the penises
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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