I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
