Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
