party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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