I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
