I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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