I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
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We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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