When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
