Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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