I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
