Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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