Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
