Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
