YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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