mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
