I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
