So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
