my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
