Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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