I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
