Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
