I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
