I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
