It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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