i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
