tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
