so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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