Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
