Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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