I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
