watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
