WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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