The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
