Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
