so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize