I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
