I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
