oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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