Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
