So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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