does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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