oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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