accomplished twins. life is a go
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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